An Alternative to “Knock it Off!” when Students Fight (Ep. 52)
In this episode of “Courageous Conversations about our Schools,” host Ken Futernick talks with educator and interpreter Shelby Rideout about a simple, in-the-moment strategy for handling kid conflicts without defaulting to “Knock it off,” “Go to your room,” or forced apologies. Instead of sending kids away to “work it out” without tools, Shelby guides them to pause, lower the emotional temperature, and actively look for what they have in common.
She shares a hallway incident where two normally kind girls shifted from name-calling to laughing together after she led them in a “common ground” game—discovering shared faith and even a love of Ethiopian bread. The episode offers a practical reset strategy that educators and parents can use to help kids reconnect and work through their conflicts. Oh…it turns out this strategy can also work with adults.
Questions to Further Conversation:
How could this "common ground" strategy be modified to address more severe conflicts, such as those involving bullying or deep-seated animosity, rather than simple arguments?
What are some practical ways for a school to systemically integrate this approach into its culture, beyond relying on the actions of individual teachers?
Besides finding common ground, what other specific "tools" are essential for teaching children how to effectively "work it out" on their own?
How might this strategy need to be adapted for different age groups, such as teenagers versus the elementary-aged children in your story?
Rideout raised concerns about schools teaching "what to think." What, in your view, are the key practices of a classroom that successfully teach students "how to think"?
Featured Guest:
Shelby Rideout is an educator, performer, and early childhood learning specialist with a unique blend of academic expertise and creative experience. She earned a double major in Special Education from Vanderbilt University, with an endorsement in Hearing Impairment, and a degree in Elementary Education.
Shelby spent 20 years working as an actress in both New York and Los Angeles, while privately tutoring students ranging from gifted to special needs. Her passion for education led her back to school, where she earned an additional degree in Sign Language Interpreting from Pierce College.
In 2015, Shelby founded Bright Signs Learning, an engaging and innovative program for children ages 6 months to 4 years. The program introduces early reading concepts through sign language in a fun, interactive, and developmentally enriching way. Shelby continues to work as a freelance sign language interpreter and substitute teacher.
Related Content:
Teacher Reveals the Tried-and-True Hack She Uses to End Kids' Arguments, Tereza Shkurta, People Magazine, February 15, 2026.
A Teacher Shares A Way to End Kids’ Arguments Instantly. It Works on Adults, Too, Today, February 10, 2026.