In the end, nobody wins the culture wars, says journalist Monica Guzman. The key to transcending these conflicts is to become curious rather than confrontational — to reframe the us/them confusion with complexity. Guzman also urges us to reject the easy answers — the sense of certainty many of us feel that we have all of the answers and they don’t.

Becoming curious means we must become better listeners. Real listening demonstrates that we really understand and care about what others are thinking, Guzman says. Too often we’re only interested in conveying what we believe and trying to win arguments. When we listen, people begin to open up and to take risks, and that’s when real progress can be made.